enjoy your meal.
Friday 23 August 2013, 10:23
A world only we know.
Each of us have a world that only we know. Can you honestly say that someone else know your world completely? No one is that open, well i haven't met anyone like that anyways.
My world is scary and dark that i never want to ever be in it. The world came to plain view when i was like 16. My mother will only see fault in me, never bother thinking that i have reasons. All she think about is that she is right. My friends, just see me as a very blur and quite gong.
My mom just yelled at me for being rude to her. Yea it's my fault but i learned it from her, and when i told her that that is what she will do the whole family for no reason. She will justify herself and say that she has all the right to do it, and i do not. I do not have the right to be a person and justify myself. Because i am stupid, i am not as good as her. i am not worth being raised. but she doesn't know what i did. I've never want to be in nursing, I only did it to make her happy saying that its what i want to do. I've never wanted it. i want my stage, my theatre, my empty notebooks so i can fill them up. But i'm so scared of what my family will say if i continue. i want to run away so badly, my parents dun treat me badly. My parents treat me well, but these moments are where i feel that i dun have a life. It's when my parents degrade me. And im not strong enough to fight back, im very passive. I always let them be what they want to believe. I would not bother arguing. Why should i? What's the point? somehow it's always my fault. Things that i really want to do. run away, and be with the stage. I want to kill myself sometimes cuz thts what my mom wants, to die once.
They never knew what happen,why i left my dream. I left cuz a dark man deceived me, and took what i have that holds dear to me. I left to make a stable future, to make my mom happy. but i know there are times i slack off and just do what i want. because, i already am loosing what i want. so at least let me do what i wan now,temporarily.
others will onli show u a part of their world, never the whole thing. because some still doesn't know what their whole world look like.
Saturday 3 November 2012, 12:25
poof im here agn!
hello everyone, well everyone that still reads my blog. do ppl even still blog OAO... anw im finally gonna start y2 sem2 soon!! im actually gonna dread it looking at the amt of books i have n the lil time line i have compared to other courses D:... but oh well *sigh* plus i have to replace 2 days of my obsetrics posting cuz i was on MC for 2 days. i actualli went to the hosp on one of the days!! but durin my recent postings, i have realised that i suddenly want to have kids. i dunno why but i just looked at the mother's faces n see how happy they are holding their child n aso when taking care of the elderly how much their kids care for thm. hmmm it realli chnged my mind... i just want a child of my own.
another big thing in my life is actualli cosplaying, im cosplaying more freq now :3 but nt as much compared to my friends i guess haha. but realli ppl r ppl where ever u go, politics seems to be everywhere. but ive met ppl like me :) like realli like me n have learnt to just realli be me, i didnt do tht in the past bcuz ppl either rely on me or i have no one to realli have fun with...
another thing ... i think ive finally gt over it. the most diff thing, ive finally gt over it. *deja vu moment @A@*
i loved you. i did, n had. its sort of funny now tht i think abt it... we dun actualli tok much n we dun hang out alot like when he's there im not, when im there he's not n yet, ive falled for him so damn far. sofar i hit my headn went into coma, stopping my clock, loving him thruout. n finalli it started working, n ive woken up.
Friday 9 March 2012, 11:25
Not again...
its 3.12am... and wad am i doing? blogging... i mean seriously i should be sleeping now but NOOOO my mind and heart is starting to play tricks with me. IM ALRDY OVER IT. so why the hell am i suddenly thinking about the person. Why ? WHY? ive already told myself its over. its over before it started... so why do i think of him so. i actually thought i have a new crush agn but just one word of his name and i go back being totally not in love. there are times i wondered why didnt he made a move? why didnt he say anything??? thts wad i dun like abt him. when it comes to himself he goes back into his shell. everytime i gt a msg frm him i smile like an idiot. oh god help me... im over it alrdy. but why does the corner of my heart say otherwise. i nvr thot it was this diff... i thot it would just go away if you will it away. BUT NOOO... IVE ALRDY TOOK 1 FREAKIN YR TO GT OVER IT... and its slowly coming bck... i h8 this. i have this dreams of us just holding hands. i dunno where we were... all i know was that you were beside me and you smiled. and as we held hands, you sudd pulled away. our hands were onli together for a brief second. i realli do wondered wad would happen if either of us had the guts to confess... i think... the biggest regret of my life as of now is not telling you what you meant to me... i wish i can still do it now. mayb thats what my soul is telling me, tell him how i felt. and they will release the last string i held on to.
Tuesday 21 February 2012, 01:35
I AM BACK!
Hi guyssss im back on blogger~ tho i knw ppl barely read it~ collecting dust le... anw its exam period alrdy here at nyp and i onli have 1 ppr to go on thur thn its the long awaited feb cosfest <3~ XD will be doing naruto gakuen hinata and khr jumpsuit tsuna so if ure going cn cme find me XD~ will be doing a small naruhina scene shoot on d1 thx to hakim who agreed to be our photographer for the day >
hmm rite now im curr obsess with the show supernatural. it is not bad but it cannot compare to SHERLOCK, benedict cumberbatch and martin freeman are just brilliant~ u have to love british man for their accent and their no respect for furniture XD!
but watching supernatural gt me thinking about god and stuff. if ure religious i suggest u run away~ lol anw first, i am NOT religious nor do i think less of ppl who have religion. cuz i just honestly don't believe. but watching supernatural got me thinking about the what if's if god do exist. cuz ppl always say if god do exist then why are bad things always happening and crap like thm. i mean seriously... u expect god to do everything? he doesn't do a thing because he loves people and trust people. he believes people will do good and prevent the bad as hard as possible. he loves people so he will not interfere with them. to me god is someone we can cry and speak our hearts out to, without judgement, without lies. we can be our real selves infront of him, what more do you want? of course in life, a listening ear is not enough, but it gives u a feeling of peace. well im not very sure but thts why i feel. remb, im not all holy and crap. im just someone who sometime believe god is there.
sudd feel shoo holy~ LOL~ hmm imma bit tired now so imma go fly away~ bye bye minna san~~ O BTW!! ill be in a collab channel 7GTAG. XD~ so yea~ ill be the otaku of the grp:3 suppork!!
Saturday 31 December 2011, 05:27
Happy new year~!
lol lets start with the last stupid thing i did for 2011!! haha i frgt tht i was workin at haru todae~ haha... i feel so guilty now... i totally frgt tht todae is the last day of dec.hahaha, anw i told my boss to take my pay frm last wk. lol... anw 2011 is over ^^ many things happen this year... like how i started to cosplay, wear lolita and aso a new schl and new cca. it was seriously a yr filled with new experience and mitin new ppl^^
rite now i am so glad i started cosplay, it realli allowed me to mit alot of ppl. and it aso chnged me alot! and i mean ALOT! like me starting to wear skirts and make up. and i learn to be more fun. haha. anw like everyone ill be doing new year resolutions ~
1- lose weight~
2- have more $$$
3- improve my cosplay
4- do more lolita~
5- learn more songs to sing
6- learn to dance agn ^^
7- improve my studies.
8- have more yaoi manga.
9- find the one ? hahaha
thats all~~
yay~ i gt to call my aunt and grandpa frm japan ^^.
Tuesday 20 December 2011, 23:15
under the blankets
under the blankets lies the secrets one keeps. everybody has their secrets, everybody has things to hide. but soon, we will be too good at hiding things that people will never see it.
there are times i want to create some secret journal and realli dump stuff... yet i wan ppl to read it yet i dun. i really dun like it whn ppl gets into my mind. tho i did say i dun care... actualli i realli do. i realli do mind ppl gttin into my mind. cuz i cnt trust ppl with wad i feel.
Tuesday 6 December 2011, 00:51
My lil confession
I LOVE YAOI >.
haha well most peeps who knows me shld knw the i love and i mean LOVE yaoi. my world literally revolve arnd it. Haha~ watching, reading yaoi manga/doujin, reading yaoi fanfics~ my fave past time~ okkk those who are nt well verse with the anime world leet me indulge u with the awesome world of yaoi. yaoi is guyxguy relations. in english its gay. there is the seme who tops and the uke who bottoms XD!!
there r diff types of seme's and uke's. my personal fave are seme's who r younger thn their uke and r either cunning or really dumb XD!! like nowaki frm junjou egoist XD!!! and uke's who r older thn their seme and r serious (mostly authorative figures) e.g. hiroki frm junjou egoist!! XD!!
why do i love yaoi?
cuz its forbidden love!! XD!! kk nt really. but its the story, the two lovers knws tht their love is nt accepted by all, one would usually deny their own love for the other. the other will push their love to the other. wanting to tell the other that he does nt care, all he wants to do is love him (XD!!) its just realli sweet and sometimes realli sentimental. haha XD not to mention i love to pair 2 male char frm my fave anime series and put them in a relationship XD and frm there ill fantasize like mad XD~ like renshuu, kenshuu, kyouuki, ichishi frm bleach. haha still gt more.. A LOT MORE!! too many actually >.< thts why i onli have OTP's for each series. me no have ultimates~ theyre all so adorable!!! >.
